This week’s activity was to edit one of our classmate’s artist conversation and to edit one of my artist conversation posts. My classmate’s name is Donna Tang. I read her latest artist conversation and it was about Rhiannon Aarons. This is Tang’s website: donnatangblog.wordpress.com
Her first paragraph about the artist is a long sentence. I think it could have been made into two sentences. In her third paragraph, the second sentence has the word “depict” repeated twice. I think she could have replaced it with “represented” or “portrayed”. Lastly, I think her last paragraph should of been her second paragraph. I think it would of made her post flow better, and you get to know who the artist is at the beginning of the post instead of at the end.
What I liked about Tang’s post is that it’s clear for the reader to understand what the artist’s work is about and how it was made. There wasn’t any spelling or grammatical errors. I like how she can to relate to the artist’s work.
My artist conversation post from last week has a few things that I could’ve of changed. In the third paragraph I could of worded the second sentence differently. I should of wrote “In the gallery, she had pictures of herself when she was a child.” I also could of wrote the following sentence as “In the picture she is with her family on a sled.” Also, in my last paragraph I could’ve worded some sentences differently. In the seventh sentence I should of wrote “When I was little all I cared about was going outside to play.”
The good things about my post is that I was able to relate to the artist’s creations. It made me contemplate on my childhood memories and made me miss my childhood. This is the reaction that the artist wanted for her audience. I don’t think there were any spelling or grammatical errors. I think my sentences were clear and easy to understand.
I think the best way to become a better writer is to have someone read your work. It can be a friend, relative or a classmate. I think getting feedback from someone else is really helpful because it can prevent you from making those mistakes again. Also, to reread whatever you have written because you can catch spelling errors or awkward sentences that you didn’t notice before.
Lastly, here is a picture of my dinner from Snapchat. (my professor wanted us to do this).😋